We did it.  Kaylee, Joanna, Jordan, and I went up to Flaming Dragon Tattoo yesterday and put our personal memorial of Willie permanetly on our bodies.  They turned out so good.

I want to say a BIG thank-you to Forrest Cooper who designed the tattoo for us and also to Dave Wach who worked on us for 6 hours yesterday to put the tattoos on.

In the car on the way up, we rocked out to a little Heavy-D, “Now That We Found Love” to get ourselves pumped up, it’s just what happened to be on the radio at the time, but we got into it. :) 

Kaylee was going to be first up, since she lives out of town, and she was still having trouble decided between 2 different designs.  We finally decided we’d all do the same design, just on whatever part of our bodies we wanted.  So with that settled, we all talked and laughed a little nervously the rest of the way.  We arrived at Flaming Dragon Tattoo, feeling completely out of place, but really we didn’t care.  We came with a mission and we were going to get it done. 

Kaylee bravely signed the release papers, sat in the chair, put her earphones in, and really didn’t say much.  When Dave started, she did turn around and say, ‘Oh, it’s really not that bad’.  So we felt a little less anxious about our own, until she was finished and she said, ‘holy smokes, that hurt bad!’

Joanna was up next.  We had a feeling that Joanna would either really hate it, or really love it.  Joanna usually isn’t too in the middle about most things.  Guess which one she was?  She LOVED it!  She chatted it up with Dave the entire time, laughing, talking about how much she loved getting tattoo’d, the endorphins had kicked in full gear and she was having a great time.  She kept turning around to us saying, ‘You guys this is great.  It hurts, yea, but this is awesome!’

Jordan was next, and Jordan was nervous, but Jordan did great!  We thought for sure we’d hear him making noises, or being real sarcastic, or talking about how bad it was, but we got nothing out of him.  He sat in the chair, put his headphones in, and powered through.  He hardly even looked at us.  We were so impressed!  Jordan said afterwards that he had turned his music up so loud to distract himself from how bad it hurt.  But his tattoo is awesome!  It looks so good.

I was the final victim for torture that day.  I was a little anxious because I knew it was going to hurt, but I was excited to get it done.  I kept telling myself, “I can do anything for an hour, this is only going to hurt for about an hour”.  And really it’s true.  It hurt for sure, but it was tolerable.  I mean it took me longer to push out a baby than it did to get the tatoo put on.  It definitely hurt, but I would do it again.

I love our tattoos.  I’m so glad we got them, and that we got them together.

Pictures of our experience are on my website.  Some I took, but the majority of the pictures came from Jordan’s camera later.  I mean lets face it, Jordan has the nicer camera and has taken all the photography classes, his camera should have all the pictures on it.  :)
All the pictures will be here.

 UPDATE: My mom was actually with us when we got our tattoos.  She drove up later in the day to check out the activity, meet the guy who was inking us, and hopefully get tatted herself.  As it turns out, we ran out of time, but that was ok, because mom ended up rethinking what exactly she wanted to get and where she wanted to put it.  She still wants to have it done, but it will just be at a little later date.   Maybe my dad will be convinced by then, he did say last night, “If (and a really big if) I ever had it done, I’d put it on my back like Jordan’s.  I really like how Jordan’s turned out”  Which is a lot different from what he has always said about tattoos, which is, “If you guys ever come home with a tattoo, you’re out of the will!”   So, hopefully my mom will get hers done in the near future, and maybe my dad will too!  I’ll be there for it for sure, with my camera in hand (or maybe Jordan’s)!

It was 10 days after my brother died, and I was out with my mom buying Jayden birthday presents, since that day was his first birthday.  My mom said something to me about wishing that there was a black armband or something that she could wear so that people could see that she had suffered a great loss.  Maybe they would stop saying things like, “How are you?” (when they don’t really want to know) or “Have a nice day”, because for us, those days weren’t so nice, some days still aren’t.  I still think somedays it would be nice to be able to put something on, that set me apart from the “normal”, “ungrieving” world, that would allow me to have a bad day without having to explain it.  I could just put my armband on and people would know that someone close to me is now gone.  Maybe we would get a little more consideration from strangers, maybe a hug from someone who doesn’t know that even 3 months later we are still sad.  I feel like it would be nice to be able to remind people that even though it has been 3 months and their lives have gone back to normal, mine is still upside down some days.  Maybe it would remind someone to say a prayer for my family because we are on a journey that is taking us down a road we don’t want to be on, and from here, it looks like a long, uphill road.

Since Willie has died, I’ve heard all the members of my tribe say that they feel like they have lost pieces of their bodies.  We are marked, forever scarred, never to be the same people that we were before April 14th.  That is why I am so excited that we are all getting tattoos (except my dad, we haven’t convinced him yet).  I am excited because it’s like the marked person I am on the inside is now going to be on the outside.  After my tattoo, my outside will never be the same, it will be forever marked, there will be a visual representation that I am changed.  It’s my black armband.  It’s my symbol of suffering.  It’s my reminder of the things I have lost.

Kaylee and her two boys are here visiting from Phoenix. They have only been here for a week, but Brendan, Wyatt, and Jayden are becoming fast friends. The 3 musketeers as Kaylee and I always wanted them to be. It took Jayden a little while to warm up to them, as the Wagner boys play on a whole different audio level, and Jayden is used to the quietness of his house, but they are having a great time! Here are some pictures from their adventures so far…

They all took some drum lessons from Uncle Jon and Aunt Jojee

They have done some rough-housing with Uncle Bubba (with lots more to come I’m sure)

They have done some swinging in the park

And they have gone for walks in the strollers with their moms! Half way through this walk, Jayden had a bit of a meltdown, he wasn’t used to sharing the stroller with anybody and while Brendan was trying his best not to touch him, we ended up switching Jayden into the single stroller and Wyatt into the double with Brendan.

I have this really great friend named Amy.  I have known of her for quite awhile, but I have just started hanging out with her these past couple of months.  Amy is the wife of Willie’s best friend Forrest.  Forrest I’ve known for probably close to 10 years.  He was the kid with the wierd hair that lived up the driveway, and now down the road, from us out at Mason Lake, whose garage Willie was always hanging out in.  I really never had a chance to hang out with Amy until April happened.  Forrest and Amy were down at my parents house just about every night staying unitl the wee hours of the morning because nobody was sleeping during those first few weeks…some of us still aren’t…anyway not the point.   Amy and Forrest are the most creative people I know.  Forrest designed the top of my brother’s vault, Amy designed the memorial folders that were handed out at the service, they both did all the pictures of Willie that were at the service.  They both have spent more hours than I’ll probably ever know doing things for my family, creating things and printing pictures that we’re all so desperate to have.  I am forever thankful to have them as my friends.

Yesterday, I went out to Amy’s house for art night.  We’ve been talking about having an art night for awhile, but just haven’t actually planned one, until this weekend!  My mom and I went over to Amy’s, we opened a bottle of wine (to help loosen our artistic inhibitions), ripped up some paper, turned on some music, and put our paint brushes to work.  The theme for the night was abstract watercolor.   Shouldn’t be to hard right?  Well, I can’t say I was too good at it.  Mine closely resembled the watercolor paintings I did in preschool.  I felt like I should take my finished work and hang it up on my mom’s refrigerator.  My mom had reasonable success with hers.  And Amy, well Amy’s were the best.  Very abstract, very colorful, she knew when to stop adding colors so it didn’t look all muddy.  But she is the artist, so I’d expect hers to be pretty good. 
:)

I can’t wait for the next art night!!!